8 reasons being a baby sucks

Looking after a baby is tough, they are pretty demanding and we spend most of our time catering to their needs while being sleep deprived, looking dishevelled and don’t get me started on when I last had a hot cup of tea!

So I often look at my baby and think – man, you have it so easy! Yes he’s got a lot of crazy new things to deal with – teething, weaning, growth spurts and the wide world in general, but he gets carried about, has everything done for him and has people at his beck and call 24/7, always there with a cuddle or a boob! However, after a bit further thought I have realised there are plenty of reasons why being baby and not mum is not all its cracked up to be:

1. You will be forced to wear really stupid outfits

Parents, friends and relatives absolutely LOVE to dress you up. As much as possible. In the stupidest looking things. And they will be taking photographic evidence. Be warned, those photo’s will reappear at 18th birthdays and weddings! You might want to hide when holiday season comes around!

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2. Your food is mush

Once you reach a certain age, you will start wanting more than just milk, you will want solid food, and you will look at your mum with her cup of tea and her biscuits/cake/donut (I know, I know, but don’t judge me too harshly, it’s hard work being a mum!) and then you will look at your latest round of mush (green, orange, yellow, it doesn’t matter) and think, why do I get this and you get that?! The injustice Mother!

3. People will constantly be discussing your bodily functions

Ok, so you are still pretty little and you haven’t quite gained mastery of your body yet, some things are going to be coming out of either end and you are going to be making some pretty interesting sounds and smells. That is bad enough to cope with, but then mum is going to talk about them to everyone! Colour, size, frequency, its a favourite topic. Mortifying!! Is nothing private?! Also, if you aren’t careful dad will be blaming a few things on you too……

4. People don’t understand what you’re telling them!

You’ve been really clever and rolled over but now you can’t reach your favourite toy anymore, so you are shouting away, and mum and dad are just not getting it. They’ve asked you ‘Awww what’s the matter’ and so you’ve told them, several times, as loudly as you can, but they don’t seem to understand. Instead they’ve picked you up, changed you, fed you and danced about for you. That isn’t what you asked for! These big people aren’t very smart!

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5. Too much Kissing and Cuddling and Squashing

Your Great Aunty is popping in to see you and that means only one thing – squishy cuddles. You know that you’re going to be passed backwards and forwards and kissed and squished for the next hour, Eugh! It’s bad enough when mummy insists on doing it, but at least she feeds you, this one is just suffocating you with her stinky perfume and covering you in her lippy!

6. Constantly being told no

Now that you are on the go, you just want to be adventurous and try new things out, but you just keep getting told no! No, don’t put that cord in your mouth. No, don’t roll over off the change mat. No, don’t fling that purée at mummy….. How’s a kid meant to have any fun?!

7. All those straps!

First you are put in a highchair with straps, then you are moved and strapped into a car seat, then into a buggy with guess what, more straps, and then you are back into your car seat restraints!! You just want to be free to roam! If you could you would be shouting FREEDOM like you are William Wallce (maybe without the dodgy Mel Gibson accent….)

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8. Cot prison!

As mentioned above, you aren’t a fan of being pinned down, and you aren’t a fan of being put in a cage either. Why has mum put you in this prison with its bars? No no, you are much happier in bed with her thank you! Better just pipe up and let her know…………………

 

What things do you think are great or really rather rubbish about being a baby?!

Lucy x

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